Author Talks #1

Being an author is many things. Rewarding, beautiful, exhausting, and… hard.

Yes, I said hard.

Sure, there’s not much sweat involved, you hardly ever leave your house, your hair is almost always a mess, and there’s definitely a coffee stain on your shirt sometime during the day. It’s hard inside. In the places you haven’t looked in years. In the parts that need so much validation it feels choking sometimes.

Think about it this way. Take your heart and brain, crack them wide open, pour each into a bowl and stir it together with loads of self-doubt and equal parts self-confidence. Seriously, as an artist, you think you’re awesome at the same time you know that you’re not. It’s a twisted, dangerous rope to walk across, but it’s necessary.

I need to think I can do this in order to do this.

When it goes great, I can say, see, you’re not so bad.

When it doesn’t go great, I have to say, see, you are that bad.

It’s hard to pour your heart into something, and want it to mean something so much, and maybe it does, and maybe it doesn’t, but it’s always worth it for the chance that it will mean something to someone.

But first, it has to mean something to me.

I have to remember that.

Maybe we all do.

Thank you for listening to this author talk.

hugs and kisses
-shana vanterpool

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